Just A Personal Note To Me

Summary

No research required today. A self-examination of myself
San Berdoo Mtns. 1978A True Lifestyle
San Berdoo Mtns. 1978

I don’t really feel up to doing this hub today but since I feel that it must be done I decided to write to myself and try to figure out where I am and where I am headed in the second/third? part of my journey through life. I know where I want to be in another ten years but am not sure if I am choosing the right path to achieve this goal or destination if you will. So in order to answer my own questions I believe that I must look back at the answers I have provided to myself in the past and see if the sum I come up with is in perspective to what I had wanted to accomplish when I was, lets say 20.
Twenty years old seems like a lifetime ago and the year was 1978. A lot has changed since then, in society, technology, world views, as well as my own views. I was living in Red lands, California listening to such albums as “Some Girls” by the Rolling Stones and enjoying a pretty much care-free lifestyle while making mistakes that would become a foundation for the next twenty years of my life, although I didn’t realize that at the time. Not all of the things I did were mistakes, for example; I fell in love for the first time in my life and to this day hold this special lady dear to my heart, even though we haven’t spoken since 1980. I also was developing ideals that at the time were , (to me at least, logical). I came to believe that laughter was the best form of expression, I thought that if you believed strongly in something you should pursue it, I knew that experimentation with various drugs was good for opening the mind and seeing things in a new perspective. I also learned that I was not a racist. The mistakes? In living the care-free lifestyle mentioned above I formed values and morals that as I look back on were sub-standard. I would develop the opinion that to go along with others impulsive actions was fun and made me popular, I didn’t think about my future or what would become of me later in life, in other words I never was logical enough to for-see that I needed a plan for the long-term. I was more interested in sowing my oats rather than planting roots. I almost always sought advice from people who were as bad as me in making important decisions, the people I should have been paying attention to saw this and retreated from offering me sound advice. Tracy, the lady that to this day still has my heart, thought of me as an immature child and in doing so could never take me seriously, especially when I professed my feelings to her, which ingrained a misguided but authentic hurt of rejection that still haunts me to this day and is the foundation of a barrier for not letting me open up my feelings to anybody. I am in no way blaming this lovely lady for this, rather just seeing how misguided I was and how hindsight really is a unique form of knowledge. Fast forward to 1995. I knew that I had chosen a hard path to walk down when I was young and to this day do not regret that choice. I laid my patch down and sought a different kind of lifestyle. I ended up in Seattle WA and got a job in Tacoma working on the docks which lead to a fishing job on a 360′ ship in the bearing straits. In 2000 I found my way to Alabama and stayed there for the next ten years. I wouldn’t say that I reinvented myself as much as that I learned how to slow down and still be able to enjoy life. In 2010 I made my way to Indiana to care for my mother and that pretty much brings me to the here and now. So in retrospect I can clearly see that it doesn’t matter so much what path you choose in life as long as you can reach the destination you want to achieve at some point in time. I am looking forward to the future as the changes I have made has made me a better person inside and maybe the path I’ve led of being a “bad boy” has not ruined the most important thing, my soul. I have retained the qualities of being a gentleman, putting others needs before mine when possible, and knowing I am forgiven my sins by myself at least. They say Jesus and the devil are both inside you so I guess I just got tired of running with one am now am walking with the other.
until next time,  peace, beibe
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~ by beibejones on March 7, 2013.

2 Responses to “Just A Personal Note To Me”

  1. But always remember Cuz, your past made you who you are today. Any difference and you would not be the same you !

    • Very true! Also if you had not been on many parts of the journey, I would not be who I am today. For this I thank you! Remember the trumpet that was a monster to turn but was an awesome bike? Me too, and again I thank you!!

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