Into the Black. This is where I find myself slipping, sliding down a steep grade and picking up momentum every waking second.Try as I might I can not find rhyme or reason to explain these inner demons that seem to take control of my insanity at will. They say that the Lord never gives a person more than they can handle or to “Let Go, Let God” but I sit here today debating this and reflecting on the past, present, and future. The blubbering fool I was got a cold dose of reality when at fourteen years of age my Father passed away and anger along with hurt doubled up and blindsided me. I found relief from this predicament late one night in an alley close to home where I was introduced to the numbing effects that could calm my troubled mind in the form of a pipe filled with Mexican weed.

 The friend that turned me on to this told me it would calm me down and help to relax me . 1974 introduced me to medicine that didn’t have a doctors “script” , was illegal and most importantly worked miracles.  I found inner peace and was able to reason out the thoughts that had me so mixed up. I didn’t “lose my mind” as the government proclaimed would happen, [actually I found peace of mind instead] nor did I turn to a life of crime. I mellowed out, and tuned in to a happier path on life’s journey.

I had friends that didn’t smoke but were into alcohol and would go out driving around and getting their buzz on and before the night was finished they would be angry over some trivial reason and want to start fights or cause mayhem and mischief. [I tried this route at different times throughout my life and all it brought was misery]. But the friends I had that got high on pot, I’ve never seen any of them want to start a fight, get rowdy for something to do or intentionally go out-of-the-way to harm another.

I can’t lay claim to being perfect nor would I want to as life has handed me a lot of experiences that most people couldn’t dream of [both good and bad] that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have enjoyed the effects of being high at different periods of my life and the calming effect it provides. Like many others I have had harder drugs prescribed to me through doctors to ease pains I have had and yes I did like the effects of most of them. Given the choice though I believe that I would choose marijuana over pills any day. Case in point: I have an older sister who has a pump in her back that releases pain killers at will and from what I can see she has become addicted to this and has lost herself in a drug infused state of self-pity along with wanting to do no more than sleep or be controlling. I think if the doctor would have prescribed marijuana for her pain instead she would be more fit and be a happier person . Doctor prescribed pills only offer a bigger chance of becoming addicted to pain killers which leads to many pitfalls in life such as money problems, emotional problems, detachment from society just to name a few. I can say this for the simple fact that I have travelled both roads and know which one I’d rather be on.

I sit here today analysing my life and find myself confused as to why I have to face prison time and fines I can’t afford just to conform to societies rules that are outdated and unreliable at best. I can inject poison into my life at any given moment by walking into any corner store and buying a legal bottle of alcohol, get mean and cause harm to anyone or everyone and get a slap on the wrist for being PI, or go out and get a OUI, pay a fine, get a suspension of driving privileges and do it all again next year but if I want to roll a joint and watch the sunset I face Federal and state prosecution. GO FIGURE.

until next time, peace



~ by beibejones on May 29, 2013.

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