End of an Era

57 years on this rock and only now do I find out what family really is and what it means to me.

I was born back in 1958 in Fort Wayne Indiana to middle class parents and the youngest of six siblings. Times back then were a lot simpler than they are today as the world seemed to be progressing rather quickly but was still in the stone ages as far as compared with today’s standards. I was raised to believe that you showed respect to your elders and that family was first and foremost the top priority.

Struggles were had by our parents back then as well as now but the standard of living was way different from it is today. People would watch out for each other and our friends as well as us would walk the line out of respect as much as fear. You were watched over by all the parents in the neighborhood and when told to do something you made sure it was done correctly the first time.

Fun was had by all kids back then and playing outside kept us fit and active whereas today it seems that kids are withdrawn from nature and the only playtime found is on computers. Boy, times have changed. I have watched both my parents pass, along with three of my siblings through these 57 years and as time marches on I’ve come to realize that family isn’t something you are born into so much as who chooses to stand beside you in time of joy as well as times of sorrow. This has been slammed into my brain hard in recent years and every day it hits home harder than the day before.

I would never dream of calling the police on any family member if life was not in danger but this is exactly what has happened to me by not one, but two of my siblings in the course of my life, neither time for endangering anyone. The first time was in 1978 and my oldest brother wanted a promotion in the Air Force so put the police on me because I lived in the same state (California) and was using marijuana for recreational purposes. He thought it would hurt his chances if he didn’t tell (NARC). The second time was in 2006, I was living in Alabama minding my own business when again a family member thought it wise to send the police to my house because I wouldn’t return a phone call. I got over their foolish actions but it taught me to be wary the rest of my life.

In 2007 I lay in a hospital and the doctors didn’t think I would make it through the night and not one of my family members (except mother) cared enough about me to be in contact with friends/family there. (yes I might be irrational on this but I have quit my life to be in Indiana more than once for them!). Andy, a brother three years my senior who I’ve always held in high respect has recently proved to me that family doesn’t matter and greed replaces all when it comes to his remaining sister and brother. My mother (God bless her soul) developed Alzheimer’s in the early 2000’s and when her husband passed in 2010 I moved in with her to provide care for her. I watched as Andy and his favorite brother-in-law snuck to a lawyer out of town to get Power of Attorney rights and manage all of her financial affairs. Throughout the first year and a half Andy intentionally abused me mentally on a weekly basis as he did not want her money spent on her care. He told me “after mother dies you no longer will be a part of my family” Only when I forced him to sit and care for her while I worked third shift did he change his mind and decide to pay me an allowance to care for her as he couldn’t handle it. This in turn enraged my oldest brother to a point where when he passed he had nothing to do with me or mother. The question that burned in me was how could they possibly love her when all they wanted was to bring pain to me, her caretaker?

Here comes the tricky part-ready?

Andy is now dying from stage four cancer and isn’t expected to be around very much longer. Although he made sure he was not only P.O.A. but also executor of her will he had it put in the will that anyone contesting his decisions would be cut out of her will!

Today I went over to visit him and try to get a couple of business matters resolved and was slapped in the face by his demeanor towards me. He is of the mind that his remaining siblings are causing him distress by wanting to get this ordeal over and finished. I had asked him for a ruby I had given my mother some years back for her birthday and was informed that his daughter is receiving it as well as the fact that she is the executor of her will when he passes. Why in the world couldn’t this have been taken care of after her death instead of waiting 3 1/2 months later and still nowhere near finished. By writing this I am putting myself in a position of alienating myself from all family members left, along with nieces,nephews, etc… but I no longer care. Let greed become your master in life, this is ok by me.

Bottom Line- You are born into a so called family but it is up to you to make sure who to trust and through my experience the only family I have are friends that have built trust with me over the years. These are the people who are happy to see you, be around you, and most importantly don’t stab you in the back for their own agenda. Cherish the friendships you make in life and choose family well

Peace my friends.

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~ by beibejones on February 18, 2015.

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